Last year around this time, I chose to write a blog that was very representative of my journey towards self-love, and that post is by far one of my favorite expressions of unbridled vulnerability. I absolutely encourage you to revisit this read for those who follow the blog, and if not, you are so in for a delicious treat, and you can dig into all things ‘Solitary Love’ by clicking here.
I can’t recycle previously published blog posts forever, and since I’m really not a huge V-Day kind of gal, I’m always pretty stumped when February comes along. If this were a Cosmo cover, I’m sure the headline would read, “How to Tell If He’s the One,” or, “How to Make Your Relationship Last Forever,” but I’m not about that life, so let’s just focus on the different kind of relationships we have in our lives that are so incredibly telling of our path, and that even help us to better align with our truth.
Just recently, I experienced an extremely difficult lesson in life where in short, a very close friend who I have so much love and respect for, decided that she no longer needed me in her life due to a scheduling conflict. She and I had plans, and very last minute, I had to rearrange my schedule due to a client’s request and without proper notice, I couldn’t make the planned lunch. Although I was upset that my schedule got switched around, I reached out with an apology and an offer to take her out the following week. Long story short, I was gossiped about to mutual friends, was called a flake, my integrity was belittled, and I was passively told to “rest in peace.” Yes, this moment was absolutely shocking to me as it probably is to you, and to be honest, it brought back some extreme visceral reactions to when I was bullied as a child–not at all congruent with the yummy energy I go out of my way to achieve, so needless to say, it was a very uncomfortable energetic exchange.
But, what is actually very soothing about going through this is that even while explaining this to you, I have nothing but love and gratitude to this person. The best analogy I can provide is that it’s essentially the end of a chapter. Had this person not entered my life 2 years ago, I wouldn’t even know what “living your purpose” is. Because of her, I took the biggest leap of faith in my life because she helped me uncover my gifts and calling, and that relationship will always have a tremendus impact on me.
I think in this instance, I would equate this being as a personal soulmate.
I blame romantic comedies for the very misconstrued role of soulmates, so I don’t at all view soulmates as the greater majority of society does. But atlas, ten years ago, I too was on that same daunting and exhausting search of finding the only person in the world who was meant for me. It was impossible, disappointing, and emotionally taxing. And the culprit of all of that nonsense is because I was not at all conscious of what a soulmate even is, but now I recognize that I’ve encountered literally dozens of soulmates.
And, so have you.
Okay, so let’s break this down. What is a soulmate? Well, from personal experience, these are beings in your life who have entered in all forms, romantic, professional, personal–believe me, the line-up of soulmates do not discriminate how they enter your life. This person comes to essentially reawaken dormant emotions, and ignite some serious lessons to challenge and awaken your identity. Soulmates are very temporary figures, and once you’ve learned your karmic lesson, you are typically separated from this person moving forward. Or, your communication slowly diminishes, and simply put, you two go your separate ways.
I’m sure you’re mentally reviewing your past relationships and now recognizing how much stronger you are in retrospect, or feel like you wouldn’t be the same person without that relationship. Well, congratulations, you’ve been soulmated.
Now, let’s put some energy into finding your Soul-Partner.
So, the whole soulmate thing is actually kind of easy. What isn’t, however, is finding a life-partner. I swear I intend to publish a book about all of the terrible and toxic relationships I have ever been in, but it’s because I wasn’t entering those relationships with the intent of partnership. I wanted rom-com style love, not genuine, endearing, human interaction that is meaningful and transcendent.
If you listen closely, you’ll actually find that I introduce my life-partner, as literally, my partner. I value and respect our relationship enough to declare to everyone, hey, here’s my awesome partner, see us in all of our awesome, partnered glory.
The beauty of a partnership is the dual love and respect that is shared since that seed of intention is set by both parties to commit and find stability together.
I was once talking to a friend (actually, the same soulmate explained from above) and naturally, some insecurities kicked in a little bit and I became worried that my relationship wasn’t like those around me. You know, the couples that post pictures of themselves kissing every 2 seconds, or who make-out in public in front of everyone, which just makes it more awkward since they go so out of their way to display their relationship?
When I shared my concerns, my friend said to me with eyes so wide, “Are you serious? I see you two in a room, two strong, independent mates who command attention by not commanding everyone’s attention. That is the partnership that everyone should strive to have.”
And that conversation always stuck with me, because it’s so representative of my journey of being a strong, secure person who isn’t dependent on anyone for my own happiness. Yes, I receive happiness every single day through my relationship, but ultimately, I connect to my own source and invest more energy into my spiritual growth and development. If it weren’t for self-love, I certainly wouldn’t be the kind of partner I am today, and I would not be able to receive the many blessings I receive from my partner each day.
So, to briefly summarize the insanely long point in this post, be grateful for your soulmates–they come into our lives for a reason. And when they leave, just shower yourself with gratitude because you each taught one another valuable lessons that are detrimental in aligning you with your authentic-self, and most likely, shaping you to be a better partner with the companion who is meant to fulfill both roles of soulmate and life-partner.
Darryn K. Robinson, CWC