In order to be of service to others, you must first be of service to yourself. –Darryn K. Robinson
I have risen from the depths of insanity and am SO happy to be back to this blog! I just finished my third quarter of my Master’s program so I apologize for that rather extended period of silence, but believe me, I have MUCH to express to compensate for my literary tardiness. A lot has transpired in my time away from blogging, and it’s been a rather interesting sequence of events that has required immense strength and growth on my part, especially around the area of self-worth and assertiveness.
In my opinion, I believe that assertiveness has a little bit of a bad reputation and is too many times misconstrued. Perhaps your perspective is similar to my experiences where I was reminded to become assertive only when an outcome is not turning out as expected, and when it’s time to mentally “step it up.” It’s akin to throwing on this attitude of assertiveness to show others what we’re really all about, using it as a method of intimidation and as a last resort, seemingly. As a female, I also feel that assertiveness–and please excuse me for my rather inappropriate word choice, but let’s be frank–has negative undertones and if you are assertive, this then equates you to being a
bitch, when it should really be actualized as being strong and bold. If we trust this reasoning, then this is essentially the predetermined dichotomy:
Being confident makes you conceited.
Knowing who you are makes you arrogant.
Knowing your worth makes you self-centered.
Valuing yourself makes you selfish.
It pains me that as we climb the internal ladder of self-discovery and release the toxins that are disguised by people, relationships, life events and all the other facets that aren’t serving us, what should be embraced and celebrated is often condemned and questioned. This is a battle that I just recently fought after careful review of the areas of my life where I was serving others too freely. And, although it is wonderfully noble to assess this on your own and create boundaries at your own free will, sometimes the Universe has other plans and we’re forced to quiet our minds to hear the larger lesson it is guiding us to. This, in fact just recently happened to me, but regardless our decision to become assertive, it is necessary for our continual growth, and for ultimately, our self-care and level of reception that we are now able to openly accept, and appreciate.
Before we can practice being assertive with others, we must first be comfortable with being assertive with ourselves. If we don’t hold ourselves to the same level of integrity that we expect from others, well, then assertiveness is out the door. The message would then change to be + TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, and that is NOT how I want this story to end for any of you, myself included!
Being assertive with yourself is not an act of aggression, rather a very gentle challenge of what your commitment is to become and embody.
I had to become assertive with my body by honoring its needed nourishment, so I shed an unhealthy lifestyle that deprived me of wellness, buried that piece of me and consciously raised my awareness to live at a higher standard that would only be of benefit to body and mind. When I became assertive about the type of relationships I would enter, I did not leave room for the opportunity of allowing just anyone who did not meet my internal code of conduct to slip through the cracks. When I became assertive about the future of my financial goals, that meant assessing areas of my life where I was financially exhausted, and as someone who is in human services, even knowing what my financial worth is to others.
When you develop the readiness to become assertive with yourself, take time to honor that decision and just surrender. As I mentioned before, we often force ourselves to become assertive when we are not even comfortable enough to do so, just to steer an outcome or create a reaction to our benefit. Sometimes being more assertive is the solution in those specific instances, but my challenge to you is, why must we only wear that mask when we need to, can we not know our worth and be assertive in every decision every day of our lives? At this level, I really believe that we would attract exactly the outcomes that are most fulfilling and abundant, but the problem occurs once we slowly begin to depreciate our self-value and worth.
I encourage you to practice the act of assertiveness in your life, and recognize what areas need replenishment before expending your energy into other sources!
Love yourself. Know yourself. Be yourself.
Love and many blessings,
Darryn K. Robinson, WLC, CEO/Founder
be + LIFTED Wellness & Coaching
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